If you’ve been paying any attention at all to the news—or if you are a good student of history—you might know that this week marks the 100thanniversary of the Titanic’s launch, as well as its tragic sinking five days later. (And yes, the Titanic was actually a real boat with real people on board, although some recent Twitter posts have expressed surprise that such was the case.) In different sectors of the globe, historical societies and governments and DiCaprio fans are taking a moment to remember the Titanic and the historic events that caused the deaths of over 1500.
For some evangelical Christians over at The Vision Forum, commemorating the Titanic’s sinking is an appropriate way to strike back at the feminist agenda destroying our country. And no, they are not talking about all the hot sex Leonardo and Kate were having on board the fictionalized boat (that is what they were doing when the car window steamed up, right?), though according to The Vision Forum, the James Cameron movie was clearly “Marxist,” showing “class warfare” that “minimized and ridiculed” Christianity, according to Doug Philips, president of The Vision Forum and found of The Christian Boy’s and Men’s Titanic society. He must be talking about the 3-D version of the film, though, because all I remembered was some smarmy love scenes and Celine Dion’s love going on and on and on, for 3.5 tedious hours.
Anyway. To try to rectify the historical record of the Titanic’s sinking, The Christian Boy’s and Men’s Titanic society will be hosting the Titanic 100 on April 13-15 in Branson, Missouri. Meaning, if you want to get tickets to Branson, you’d better hurry. Perhaps you could also catch some other shows while you’re there, or at least visit the Precious Moments Chapel. But you might be busy with the Titanic 100 celebration, which will feature living history presentations, dramatic performances, live music of the 1912 era, stirring messages, costume events, an anniversary banquet riverboat cruise, and an interactive journey through the largest Titanic museum in the world.
The celebration hopes to remind people of the Titanic’s legacy. What’s that legacy, you ask? The hubris of humanity? The failure of technology? The problems with opulence? An understanding in perspective—that we can only ever see “the tip of the iceberg”? Is the legacy a multi-million dollar movie franchise?
Why, no, that’s not the Titanic’s legacy at all. Instead, the boat’s sinking strikes a blow to those feminists everywhere, trying to push their me-first, child-hating, independent agenda. Yes, indeed, when we think about the Titanic, we need to think about feminists who destroyed the family. According to The Vision Forum website, in celebrating the Titanic appropriately, we can “embrace a fundamental principle of Christian civilization — that women and children are to be honored and protected.”
So that’s it, you see: on the boat, women and children were saved first, and the men perished, and gosh darn if somehow our contemporary society has screwed this all up. So that now every man has become another George Costanza, shoving clowns and the infirm out of the way to save himself (forgive the gratuitous Seinfeld reference); and every woman thinks only for herself, dragging her sorry butt to work for 40 plus hours each week and clocking a second shift at home because she wants fame and fortune and a ride on the ship’s first class deck (forgive the mixed metaphor).
Look. I’m all about sacrificing one’s self for a brother or sister. I’d certainly give up my place on a lifeboat for my husband and children, just as I know he would for me; heck, we’d probably both drown trying to be the hero and saving each other from drowning (“No you go first.” “No you.”) The Bible calls us to this mutual sacrifice in all things, and though I am imperfect in laying down even the smallest things for those around me, I continue to try living by this precept.
I also think we should commemorate this event in world history. Reflecting on this tragedy is important, and I thought NPR has done an especially good job this week of talking about why the Titanic still matters. But I find it a bit far-fetched to assume the lasting legacy of the Titanic is that it strikes a blow against feminism, restores male chivalry, and returns women to their rightful place as weaker vessels. Somehow, this kind of historical interpretation diminishes the tragedy of the event. And what’s next? Perhaps in 1914, we can celebrate the start of the Great War by honoring its heritage: you know, nine million dead, a generation lost, but at least women were keeping the home fires burning, just as they should be.
Actually, this doesn’t seem so far outside the realm of possibility. In promoting the Titanic 100 event, The Vision Forum’s president Doug Philips says “In a day when men shirk sacrifice and we send our women into combat, the doctrine and legacy of ‘women and children first’ has been all but been abandoned — and it’s high time we remember and reclaim this foundational principle.”
All this for $150, plus lodging. Alas, the First Class Ladies’ Tea is sold out, proving that women first is alive and well, at least in Branson.