Well, pooh. It looks like I missed the Visionary Womanhood drawing for a free movie. Here I was, logging on to the Visionary Womanhoodweb site, just to see what’s going on in the world of godly women, and I discovered that they’ve already awarded a movie to someone else. I didn’t even know there was a competition (for a movie; I know I’m supposed to be competing in the most-godly-woman contest).
And what a good documentary it seems to be, too: The Monstrous Regiment of Women. Released in 2007 (making me wonder, of course, why they’re giving away five-year-old films), the movie promises to explore the history of feminism and its consequences on society. “Cool,” you might think. “A Christian organization providing an unalloyed view of feminist history? A movie that won the 2007 SAICFF Jubilee Award for Best in Festival? Must be great!”
Turns out, despite Rosie the Riveter’s empowering mug on the DVD cover, the film isn’t really about women’s history and the feminist movement’s positive influence on culture which, you know, was a total shock to me. Instead, the movie provides just one more in a long line of evangelical warnings about those damned feminists, wrecking (monstrous) havoc on society by “telling women not to submit to their husbands, to avoid having children . . . [and to] listen to their ‘inner voice’ and chase a career to find fulfillment.’”
Yep, those awful Christian feminist Kendra and I spent the weekend with in Indianapolis kept telling me that. You know, when they asked me how my kids were, and encouraged me to show them pictures of the boys, they were really telling me I sucked as a feminist because I hadn’t avoided having children in the first place. Good thing I have this award-winning film to set me straight.
Just so we understand the historical context for the misappropriation of the title, the Visionary Womanhood review fills us in, letting us know “The Monstrous Regiment” was a pamphlet written by John Knox, about Mary, Queen of Scots, and “her attempt to extinguish Christianity in Scotland.” I can totally see the parallels, can’t you? Queen Mary, ruler of Scotland, contemporary feminists, totally the same thing. Which is why I’m going to title my next book A Pathetic Supplication to All Magistrates, because that’s what Menno Simons wrote in the 16th century, and I’m Mennonite, and yeah—it works.
To be absolutely clear, we are told that in the 16th century, “monstrous” meant “unnatural,” and regiment meant “rule.” See where this is going? The history of 20th century feminism reflects an unnatural rule, simply because women aren’t having babies (at all!), or getting married, of finding fulfillment in unloading the dishwasher yet again. Those terrible, terrible feminists are disrupting the natural order of things, and therefore they are monstrous. It all makes sense, doesn’t it?
Because to be absolutely, absolutely clear, the movie will tell us that the Bible honors women everywhere, so long as they “reign [ed] in their God-given sphere of influence, the home.” This is as it should be, God’s “’natural plan for women.’” Of course, Satan has twisted this natural plan, convincing women everywhere to abandon their kids. (But wait, didn’t the movie also claim that feminists forced women to not have kids? Can they abandon kids they haven’t even had yet?) After abandoning the kids they might not even have had, feminists have convinced women to seek equity with men. And that this promise of equity is also a lie of Satan, a wily PR stunt to make women think egalitarianism is really nice and lovely before they get them in their feministy-monster claws and destroy them completely.
Or, at least, destroy womanhood. That’s the other part of the award-winning movie. Using the reasoned voices of a Ladies Against Feminism spokesperson, several homemakers, a “military cadet,” and—cue horror film music—a “former abortion provider,” we learn that the feminists have caused true womanhood to fade away completely. And not only faded away, but an erosion of “the fulfillment of all we were created to be.”
So, what happens when we refuse to submit to our husbands (because, of course, all godly women are married), then abandon the children we didn’t have in the first place, then seek career fulfillment rather than reigning over the natural order of things? Why, according to the documentary, our entire world becomes purposeless. Even more than that! Our lives become a “wasteland of purposeless existence with nothing that reaches into the future to impact the world in any significant way.” Not to put too fine a point on it, of course.
It’s interesting, though, that the women I know, including those in egalitarian marriages and those who work outside the home and have children, don’t feel their lives are purposeless. Most are impacting the world in very significant ways. At least I think they are, but then I’m one of those feminists who has been lied to by Satan. So that even though I think my own life is pretty purpose-full, and that by teaching in college, I might be empowering others to impact the world: well, I’m just deceived.
Not only deceived, though! No, no: the award-winning documentary will tell me that I am also a Marxist. It’s true! Because—stick with me here—the unnatural reign of women means that everyone is forced to be the same, and the family is destroyed. Children (you know, the ones feminists told us not to have) are ripped from their families and sent to—oh my God!—public schools, where they are taught by socialists. Or the government. Because apparently that’s the same thing. As a result, no one is creative anymore, or entrepreneurial. No one dreams big dreams, No one pursues anything. What a sad, sad world. Thanks a lot, feminists and Marxists, for screwing with the natural order of things.
Like me, you are probably very sad indeed that you did not win the raffle for this SAICFF Jubilee Award-winning documentary. The good news is that if you can find a Visionary Womanhood Gathering, the documentary will be shown there, but only if the VWG sponsors provide the disclaimer that the film talks just a little about the sexual activity of teens (another thing the feminists caused). Never mind the other stuff: you know, when the filmmakers distort the history of the women’s movement, make feminists into monsters who hope to destroy the world, and suggest that anyone who doesn’t see the world as they do is leading a sad, purposeless, and godless life. Those kind of lies seem especially monstrous to me.
(Turns out, the SAICFF stands for “San Antonio International Christian Film Festival.” And apparently, the festival is owned by . . . The Vision Forum. This gives me an idea: I think I’m going to set up a writing prize, and then award it to myself.)
(Also, I missed the opportunity to win another film being raffled for April: Agenda: Grinding America Down. Sounds like a gem!)
You can watch an excerpt of the film here: