You all realize there’s only one more shopping week left before Valentine’s Day, right? For our family, that will mean a rushed trip to Walgreen’s this weekend, and far too much time spent in the card aisle helping our sons pick flimsy cartoon-themed cards upon which they will scrawl their classmates’ names, slap on a piece of candy, and call it good.
Meanwhile, as the resident wordsmith, I will silently curse every love-related pun and vague innuendo printed on the cards. By their creators, of course, not by my sons, who are, as fifth graders, starting to understand the importance of the messages they want to convey to the kids in their class, and will probably sweat over whether the girls on their crush lists really wants a card that says “UR Cute.”
Yep, this weekend will be really fun, I’m sure.
If you are feeling any angst at all about sending your Beloved just the right message, you might want to try these Christian-themed Valentine’s presents. Because, you know, Valentine’s Day is one more fab holiday intended to show how much Jesus really loves you, and how much you’ve been blessed because you’re not like those other folks, at home alone watching “Fraiser” reruns and eating store-bought cookies.
Over at Christianbooks.com, there’s all kinds of Valentine’s Day gift ideas, separated out by “his” and “her” gifts.
For her, there are all manner of heart shaped stuff, including some cool jewelry, some tote bags, and some kitchen pot holders. You know, because women love to be in the kitchen and all.
And then this perplexing gift: A t-shirt proclaiming “My Husband is a Rich Man,” which comes in a number of colors and sizes. The ironic subtitle asserts the husband is rich because “He has a strong faith, children who love him, and a wife who adores him,” which is really a sweet sentiment. But does a man really buy his wife a shirt for Valentine’s Day announcing how awesome he is? Isn’t it a little braggy to make your wife wear a shirt saying she adores him?
I’m honest-to-God puzzled.
But not as puzzled, truly, as the Valentine’s gifts listed on the “Him” page, which include the standard ties and pen sets and techie gifts, and the “personalized tool,” which seemed a little, um, personal, but then turns out to be nothing more than a wrench with his name and a Bible verse engraved on the side.
The “Him” side also sells its own statement t-shirt, one that says “I Love my Wife,” with a subscript from Ephesians about husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church. And I wonder again . . . does a wife buy her husband a gift pointing out how cool she is? I just don’t know.
The most interesting item on the “Him” page, though, is a “Simply Romantic Nights” board game. I’m intrigued that it doesn’t likewise show up on the “Her” page, which makes me wonder: Is this because men like board games more than women? Or sex?
Here’s the description of the game: “Glossy black and purple box opens to display a kit of proven ideas, tips, games, quizzes, and surprises guaranteed to add fresh sizzle to your relationship. His and Her cards encourage special events to create that will enhance connection and intimacy; learn how to build anticipation, set the stage; initiate new ways to compliment and romance your life-time sweetheart.”
Sounds . . . interesting, I guess, though I’m not really into board games. But I can imagine my husband, the true game lover, upon getting the gift, immediately opening up and reading all the rules, as is his custom, and then spending another hour or so explaining the rules to me in mind-numbing detail, and then decrying parts of the game that just won’t work, then wondering whether the game is even worth playing. “There’s no strategy!” he’ll say. “And no winner!” What’s the fun in that?
Turns out, there is an entire genre of romantic-related Christian games to buy him for Valentine’s Day. If my husband can get past the game’s shoddy rules and stupid premise and lack of strategy (No roads to build? No ships to sail?) I may have gift ideas for the next decade of marriage. By then, he might be begging for that I Love My Wife hoodie.