Six Reasons (And More!) For Not Sending Your Sons to College

Dear Fix The Family,

Thank you so much for your recent article, “6 Reasons (+2) to NOT Send Your Daughter to College.” Although I am an English professor at a university—and though I feel my life’s Christian calling is to teach college students—I totally understand your point. Education is a dangerous thing, and going to college is, as you say, a “near occasion of sin.” (Have you seen the size of the cookies they serve in the college cafeteria, for example? Gluttony’s written all over them puppies.)

But no, you’re right. Daughters should not go to college for the very reasons you mention. And you’re right, that keeping your daughters at home after high school, teaching them the domestic arts, preparing them for marriage, and protecting them from creeper college men is in no way to oppress women, to take away their opportunities, or to make it impossible for young women to pursue the gifts God has given them—because we know, of course, that God would not give women gifts beyond those needed in the home.

Why stop there, though? I mean, if you really want to Fix the Family, protect young people from the near occasion of sin, and make sure that for the “good of families in our future,” you might want to keep your boys at home, too. I know, I know, keeping boys and girls at home will probably put me and my colleagues out of work, but it’s all for the Kingdom, right?

So here, then, are six reasons (plus two, or maybe more if I think of them later!) to NOT send your son to college:

  • He will attract the wrong kind of women. We all know what kind of women lurk in college classrooms, after all. The kind who want an education. Want to think for themselves. Want to learn about the world beyond their parents’ walls. So listen to this scenario: your son meets a woman in college and decides to marry her and start a family (which might be rare, given that college women are all feminists who don’t really want to marry or have kids). Because she’s been studying in college, and therefore doesn’t know anything about how to cook or clean, your son will end up needing to do her work, as well as his. The bottom line is that HE will be doing women’s work, which is an appalling transgression of God’s design.
  • He will be in a near occasion of sin. You know what those college dorms are like, with young women rubbing themselves against men, giving them weed and cheering them on as they play Special Ops. How can your young men avoid these temptations if you let them live in a dorm and near these skanks? (Skanks who will apparently release special hormones hiding your son’s faults, his penchant to sleep in dirty sheets and his very interest in Special Ops?). Is a college degree really worth your son’s dignity and purity? Far better for your sons to be removed from these dormitories, where all matter of sin may be looming.
  • He will not learn to be a father or husband. College courses are not designed to teach young men how to fulfill their Godhead roles, what with women professors having authority over them. Better to have your sons stay at home, learning the appropriate head-of-household role from their fathers, rather than going to school, where they might learn ideas contrary to this notion.
  • The cost of a degree is becoming more difficult to recoup. Why send a young man to college, have him take courses in something useless like English, and then end up struggling to repay his loans with a barista job? I know, I know, no man is going to take a sissy degree like English or a job as a barista, but still. It makes lots more sense of a young man to have a job that can support his growing family, and a college degree is not going to open any doors for him.
  • You don’t have to prove anything to the world. Often boys go to college simply because they’re expected to. All that peer pressure, the endless questions about where your son is going to college! Pretty soon, you’re filling out your son’s college applications just to shut people up, and before you know it, you’ve stashed your kid in a sin-filled college dorm just so your neighbors will stop talking. Don’t fall prey to what the world tells you. Your son doesn’t need college just because other people think he does!
  • Sending your son could be an occasion of near sin for you as a parent. It’s true. You pop out a boy (or two or more, if you’re lucky), and then you start thinking about eighteen years from now, when it’s time to start plunking down cash for their college education. So you decide that you’ll stop after a few boys, maybe consider contraception or the like because hey, otherwise, these kids will send you to the poor house. If you decide not to send your boys to college, then you don’t have to worry about this particular temptation, and you can fill your quiver to overflowing.
  • He will regret it. If your son graduates college in the traditional sense, he will be 21 or 22 when he receives his diploma. No doubt, he will realize he only has about 40 or 50 years left to pursue a career, and will regret those four wasted years in book learning. I’ve talked to so many alums from my college who regret the time they’d lost in college, giving in to that masculine agenda that says to be a man, you need some education. Those four years could have been spent making babies, for example, but instead, these sons have spent their most fertile years in the occasion of near sin, living near—but definitely not with—women who could be their baby mamas.

So look. I’m not giving this advice because I want to oppress men, and I certainly don’t want to offend any of you who have already sent your boys to college. I’m writing this advice because it’s good and true and practical! My intent is only for the good of all the families out there, who are being destroyed because of educated young men. After all, we need to give our children the best advice possible, and not conform to the world’s standards. Young men survived millennia without educations and, last time I looked, Jesus also didn’t go to college.

Bottom line, I’m not saying sending your son to college is a sin. Only nearly so.